Leo's Confessions
by I Am The Batman
Summary: Here, Leo talks about certain things that she has problems with, such as boys, friends, and others. Intresting? I think so.
1. Boys

Hello there, Dark Fortresses here. It's been a while, I know, but I now have a new fanfic! Enjoy. Reposted!

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Boys. They were never my calling. The only dates I've been on were dares or blind dates. Those never turned out well. Why? The guys I was on a date with were either gay or they thought I was a dude. I can't blame them, because I have short hair, small boobs, and I always buckle them down. But I managed to get some decent guy friends using that tactic. They actually don't mind that I'm a chick, and they just think of me as "one of the guys". Then there's Bob. He's a guy I banded with during the tournament. He's a pretty good guy, but he's kinda... huge. Like not muscular huge, but fat huge. He's pretty tall, as well. But the only flaw was that he's probably eight years older than me, and I'm not into older guys. I'm only 19, I shouldn't be dating 30 year olds.

You know what's strange? I really like Steve, the British guy in the tournament. Like sexually attracted to him. Even though he dared Hwoarang to date me, I still like him.

The date I had with Hwoarang was pretty bad, even by my standards. I've been on dates that included butchering cows and pigs. You wanna know what that horrible date with Hwoarang was? We went to the amusement park. The best one in Germany. What could possibly be so bad about that, right? He took me to the biggest rolloer coaster, right under the big loop where everyone vomited. I knew he wanted to make out with me, but instead was attacked vomit. Three times, all within the span of about five minutes three birds shit on me. It sounds really sanitary, I know. I was wearing all white that day, too. That outfit will never be that white ever again.

I've had some pretty decent dates too. Like the date I had with Miguel, the Spanish dude from the tournament. He's a pretty good-lookin' guy. But I think all Spanish guys are hot. Even if they're ugly, I'm still attracted to 'em. I'm also strangely attracted to British guys... Anyway, the date. he took me to this Mexican resteraunt, he said he couldn't find any Spanish resteraunts in Germany. He talked with his signature romantic accent throughout the night. Even though I had a taco, it was still romantic. I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what Miguel had. It looked like a crepe, but it smelled like a taco. Strange? I think so. He said it was called something like a burrito or something like that. I'll have to remember to try one.

I have this friend named Xiaoyu. She's a little Chinese girl who fought in the tournament. She's sent me on at least seven blind dates, all of which failed epically. Those seven guys thought that I was a dude that looked feminine. I should send her on a date with Bob, just to get back at her. Do you think that's a good idea? I think it is. But she likes Jin, and she gets really mad at me when I call him "emo" or "tyrant". Do I get mad at her when she calls Steve "stupid Brit"? Well, somethimes, but not usually! Actually, I get mad at her whenever she calls him that.

I personally don't think the guys I date are horrible dates. It might be me. I might, just might, be the bad date. I never had a second date. I can never hold a boyfriend. I always hop it'll change, but it never has. Here I am, 19 years old, and I haven't kissed a boy or had a serious boyfriend. That reminds me that Velentines Day is coming up. Maybe, just maybe, my luck with boyfriends will get better. Or it never will. One of the two.

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Well, there ya go. The next one in this series will be coming out... maybe within the next month. It depends.


	2. Friends

Darkfortresses here once again, with the second chapter of Leo's Confessions. Yes, I know it's short, so don't complain.

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Friends. I've always had a few. But they were all dudes. Except for one. That would be Xiaoyu. Or Xiao, whatever you wanna call her. She's like one of those critical friends that you see on TV. That's good right? I think it's right, y'know? I'm pretty sure you know. I kinda like having critical friends sometimes. It's a good contrast to me. I'm not really a critical person, but I do have my critical moments. I'm sure everyone does.

My male friends are obviously not critical when it comes to things like fashion or eating. They're actually pretty sloppy, compared to me. Compared to them, I'm like the Queen of England. That's sarcasm, if you didn't catch that. They're really critical of things like sports, especially when it comes to my ability. The only sport that I'm good at - other than martial arts, if you can consider that a sport- is hockey. Yes, I'm good at hockey, but it makes people think I'm a lesbo though. I'm sure you know that I'm not one of those, right?

Finally, there's my pet husky, Hans. He's a little puppy that I adopted from a place called Alaska. He's two years old, and all he wants from me is food, water, walks, and a playmate. He's really easy to take care of. Oh yeah, he has three legs. Hey, it kinda prepares me for motherhood if I get a kid with a disability. I guess having a kid would cost a bunch of money. At least I don't live in Denmark (they don't have many jobs there, or at least that's what my friend Stian said). I guess that's why Stian now lives in Germany.

So, I guess the morals of this story are critical friends are good, especially when you're not critical at all, adopt poor little dogs with three legs, and if you're looking for a job, Denmark isn't the place to go. Oh, and if you're wondering who'll take care of little Hans when I go to the tournament, it won't be you, even if you live in Germany. it'll be that Stian guy that I mentioned.

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As I said, it was really short. I hope you enjoyed it.


	3. Clothes

Hello, once again. Dark Fortresses here. Here is the third out of five oneshots. I'm already 60% done. Yay!

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Clothes. I've always had a hard time finding some that fit. Most women have the same problem. You know what my prblem is? No? Well, I have no curves whatsoever. If you look at a fullbody picture of me, you would quickly know this fact. Yes, it's that obvious. That's why I like men's clothes. Guys have very few curves. I just buy mens clothes in the smallest size the store happens to have. It's really simple, and guys have really comfortable clothes. It's surprising. You know what shocks people? When I tell them that the _only _female clothes I own are the undies and socks. Chicks _do_ have nice socks, I'll tell you that. They also have shoes in pretty colors, too.

You know who has nice clothes? Lili Rochefort. Those things are the only things that are nice about her. She has a pretty bichy personality (in my opinion), and then there's her hair. It must cost a bunch of money to keep up the color. Ha ha. It costs no money whatsoever to keep up mine. I'm all natural, but isn't it obvious? I think it is.

Y'know that white outfit that I talked about earlier? Well, I've been washing it everyday for the past three weeks and it still isn't as white as it was. I know what you're thinking. "Well, if you're washing that much, then wouldn't it be white enough?" The answer is... I'm really poor. So poor, that I can't get my hands on any bleach. I'm forced to use soap that's meant for colors. It's very sad, I know.

The morals of this story are... Guys clothes are very comfy, steal Lili's clothes (please?), and try to find cheap bleach that doesn't seem to exist in Germany.

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Please note: I have no idea if bleach is expensive in Germany. In fact, it's prabably pretty cheap there. I just put that in because I needed a reason for Leo to not buy bleach. It's a simple concept.


	4. Make Up and Jewellery

Hello, Dark Fortresses here. Here I have the 4th chapter of Leo's Confessions and it's like, two chapters in one! So we only have one chapter to go, but I need ideas. Enjoy!

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Make up. I never wore much in my life, except for Halloween. And that time when I was a bride's maid last year for my friends wife. Other than that, I only wear foundation and a little mascara, both products I can't pronounce or spell correctly. Yes, it is very sad. I have many other reasons why I don't wear any other types of make up. Eye shadow doesn't look right on me, lipstick and lip gloss feels wierd, blush is useless in every way possible, and finally, I can't put on eye liner without stabbing myself in the eye. It's shit when that happens. A 19 year old girl that doesn't wear make up? How is that possible? Yes, I _am_ a 19 year old girl, and yes, I don't wear make up. How? All of the reasons listed above, plus one. That would be that eye shadow doesn't last very long. I bet you're saying, "But I see all of those commercials that say it lasts long!" False advertisement! Oh, and I heard that lipstick is made out of fish scales. That's pretty gross if you ask me.

I envy people that wear a mask of make up (like Dolly Parton and RuPaul the drag queen). Well, RuPaul kinda has to, 'cause he's a _he_. I heard that Dolly Parton wears make up when she goes to bed, and that she never takes it off because it takes like, 3 hours to do. That's just like a Nazi concentration camp for zits waiting to happen. But she's old, and she probably doesn't get zits. For people under the age of 35, it would be.

So the moral of this story are if you're gonna be a friend of mine, don't be a beautician, and lip stick is gross. Well, that's what I heard.

Jewellery. I always liked it, but, I have many problems with it, like how I have problems with make up. Like those solid bracelet things I can't get past my thumb, and I can't wear really tight necklaces. They just are really uncomfortable. I can't wear any piercings, other than the ear ones because I only only have my ears pierced. Oh, and I can't wear the cheap ones that you buy at the drug store. I'm really prone to ear infections. I also don't really pull anything off. I look like a guy, and I'm not a gangsta, and I'll never be one. Like seriously, how many white girls are? Maybe some white guys are, but not many white girls. I wouldn't last long as one either, so I don't have to wear that hideous jewelley.

So the morals of _this_ story are I hate most jewellery, or I can't wear it, and gangstas have hideous jewellery. Yeah, I said that Hwoarang! You have ugly jewellery!!

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Well, I hope you people enjoyed it.


	5. Hair and Obvious Sarcasm

Hello, Dark Fortresses here once again. Here I have the last chapter of Leo's Confessions. Yes, there is two chapters within a chapter, if you could call it that. Enjoy!

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Hair. I like having hair. Well, you can't be bald in the winter. You'd like, die, and then you'd freeze inside a mountain. I know I'm exaggerating a bit, but it'd be total shit if you were bald. Trust me, I'd know. I begged my parents to shave my head when I was 5. Worst decision of my life, as you'd expect, but I was five. I was stupid back then. Most five year olds are.

I always hated dyeing my hair. It always took the hair dresser at least two hours to only color it, so I've been all natural since I was about 8 years old. I believe I've already said this, but I think that Lili dyes her hair. Nobody can have that perfect hair in terms of highlights and not dye their hair. Seriously. And her hair's more straight than straight, if there is such a thing. I think that there is, but it would be very difficult to get. Especially for the people who aren't rich. Like me and everyone else I know.

You might think that I'd have a lot of money because both of my parents died and I'd get all of their money. That isn't the case, obviously. It all went to the G Corporation. Well, all of my mom's money went there. My dad's money went to my education. It was enough to get me 9 years of whatever I wanted to take. I am _so_ not going to college for the next 9 years of my life. I have two reasons for that: the 1st reason is I'd be 28 by the time I'd get out, and the second reason is it's a waste of money and my life.

Wow. I got really off topic there. Anyway, onto another thing about hair that I hate. That would be hair strengtheners. I have very curly hair and when my mom was alive, she always tried to straighten it. I always used to jerk my head back and forth until I was about 16, so my mom burned my head. I was at the hospital at least once every 10 days or so. It was very painful, as you guys probably already know. I still have those scab scars. Those type of scars are the scars that never go away. They just stay there, preventing hair to grow. They aren't the white kind either. They're this brown color. It's very attractive, I know. Men love it. Mainly body builders, but the ones from Austria love it the most. But I think that most body builders look like shit.

So, I have the final morals of this story. The first one is… if you're gonna try to look like Lili, purchase some hair dye and a hair strengthener. The last one is… if you're actually gonna straighten your hair, don't jerk your head. Please, if you don't want some burns.

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Well, as the last thing I'll be presenting, I'd like to talk about the things that I like.

I love it when I'm walking to the store, and I step in dog's fecal matter, thus I love it when dog owners can't pick up after their dogs. And I love it when my friends dog stars humping my leg, and that's only on the subject dogs. I love dogs. Can you tell?

I just love feminists. I love the way they start yelling at me because they think I'm a dude. I love they way they don't shave. Yep. And feminists love me, and my anti-feminist self.

You know what I love more than dogs and feminists? No? Well, I love children. You know why I love children? Every single reason. I remember having to teach my little brother how to pee the "big boy way". He had such good aim. He aimed for the inside of the bowl and he hit my head. Don't ask me how I did that. You know I just loved that. It was in my hair for the next week and it took a big container of shampoo.

But there's only one thing that I love more than dogs, feminists, and kids. What would that be, you ask? That would be an awesome thing called being a religious extremist. I'm not one of those myself, but I love them anyway. I heard that in America there was a person and her family protesting at a dead soldier's funeral. You see, the soldier guy happened to be gay, and most religious extremists hate gays. That's what I love about them. Of course I love more things, but those are definitely my top four. My number five is food, but that's really uninteresting.

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I think I may have to clear things up.

1)The religious extremist and her family thing actually _did_ happen.

And 2)If you can't tell that the last half of this chapter was full of sarcasm, you are a moron.


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